That Annie Dillard quote, How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives haunts me to no end. Only in fact-checking who said it did I learn that it came from a book she wrote called The Writing Life. Oof, only a clogged blackhead would’ve been more on the nose.

As someone who’s struggled with procrastination her whole life, I’m not going to lie: doing this low-res MFA has often felt like throwing hands in a two-year-long cage match against a literary Bowser. Pressure creates diamonds, I mutter to myself as I wipe the blood, sweat, and tears from my brow after getting clobbered by yet another deadline. At my worst, I’ve requested extensions from advisors only to wile away the extra time, landing me back at square one.

With about three months left before graduation, I’m so ready to be done. I look forward to a more spacious creative life that reflects my circuitous mind, free from hurdle-jumping a series of monthly deadlines. At the same time, I catch myself looking back, slipping into reproach over all that time I squandered not generating new work. I worry that without these tight deadlines, my willpower to write might evaporate completely.

What I try to remind myself of is the capitalist framework of relentless production is fundamentally at odds with creativity, a process that cannot be rushed. I wrote before my MFA and I will write after it. And since I doubt I’ll ever vanquish procrastination completely, I might as well befriend it.

Jamie

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